


She is the Sun

by bxton



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 5 Times, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Fusion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Jim is force sensitive, M/M, au where bones and jim found rey so, bones is, one day ill learn how to tag, rey kirk-mccoy, somethin! ill give him that!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 19:53:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14119593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bxton/pseuds/bxton
Summary: The five kisses Rey Kirk has received, as told by herself.





	She is the Sun

_“ she is the sun. “_

_by: bxton_

_summary: The five kisses Rey Kirk has received, as told by herself._

  1.        _Goodbye_.



On the Enterprise, Rey always found something to do—whether it be running amuck around the engineering room or sitting on daddy’s lap to command the ship for herself. It’s a place of wonders, she thinks, this vast ship with so many people. Uhura smiles at her when she walks by, sometimes Spock will reach out and run a hand through her hair as she’s trying to read something her father wrote, and he says, “fascinating,” but she can hear the fondness in her voice.  
      Tonight, her father has her curled up against his side as he skims through one of his medical files. She wants to reach out and touch it but she can’t, he’s being too protective, and so she curls around him, arm wrapped tight around his neck, and buries her face in the juncture of his shoulder.

“You’ll always be my greatest love, darlin’,” he whispers into her hair, and he presses a kiss to her forehead that has her beaming up at him, “sometimes I think God brought you to Jim and I, y’know that? Think you might be a miracle.”

 

“Yes.” She nods, so reassured of this—her father has _never_ lied to her. Daddy, sure, but he does that ‘cuz he has so many nice surprises that he _has_ to. But her father only tells the truth when it comes to her, and she can always find truth in his words. “Then you’re my miracle too.”

 When she’s almost asleep, and her father has tucked her into bed, she hears him and daddy arguing outside her door.

 “Don’t you _dare_ do this to me, Jim.” Her father’s crying—she can tell because of the choking noises he’s making. Rey imagines him clutching the table to stabilize himself, like he did when daddy came home injured. “You can’t take her away.”

She hears footsteps and knows that daddy’s going to comfort him. _Good_ , she thinks, _he can’t cry like that. He hates crying._ “Bonesy,” daddy’s crying too, “baby, you know how much I love her. Khan is . . “ she wonders if that’s one of daddy’s friends, “he’ll kill her, Bones. He’ll kill her, and we’ll lose her. I can’t lose her.”

“So _protect_ her.” Her father hisses, and she can hear daddy cry again when she hears a little thud. “Jimmy, _please_. She’ll die on that planet. She’ll die, and you know she will.”

“Not if we train her. We can—we can give her a fighting chance, and when the coast is clear we can go back and get her.”

 

 Rey slides out of bed slowly, daddy’s jacket in her arms as she pads her way through the halls. Sometimes, she reaches out and something moves without her touching it. Once, it was a door, just like now. She _swore_ to them that she did it herself, but daddy said the doors were automatic, _“they’ll always open for you, sunshine._ ”

 He obviously didn’t see when that fork flew to her, then, that morning when daddy let her eat lunch with him.

 

“What’re you doing up, huh?” She opens her eyes to see daddy kneeling in front of her. His eyes are red, and her hands reach out to touch his cheek. He leans against it, just like he does when her father does it. “Just like daddy, you know that?” Daddy touches her cheek in return. “You’ve got that shine, baby, just like I do. That’s why Bones keeps us around, you know.”

 

Her father kneels next to them, too. He’s laughing. “Infant.” But he kisses daddy’s forehead and kisses hers too, then her cheek, then the top of her head. “I love you very much. Always remember that.”

 

 When daddy kisses her forehead, she can’t help but feel it means “ _goodbye_ ,” rather than _“I’ll see you soon_.”

 

( and she’s right. When they drop her off on Jakku, her father is crying—really crying, choking back sobs when he looks at her. He kneels in front of her like he did that night and he holds her in his arms until daddy kneels next to him and holds her too. He mumbles, just in her ear, “ _I’m gonna come get you, baby. You just be brave, like daddy and I are. We love you, Rey._ ”

She can see Uhura crying in the ship. When her parents leave her, alone on this planet besides her daddy’s warm jacket and her father’s medbay coat, she reaches out towards the ship as if it’ll turn around.

 

It doesn’t. It doesn’t come back, either. )

  


  1. _I have you_.



 

She gets sick the second night she spends with Finn, and she can’t help but laugh when she thinks about it. Rey never quite believed in the idea of God, but the night she spends shivering, buried under blankets and a dirty lab coat from a ship that abandoned her, she wonders if he’s punishing her for leaving Jakku.  
      _Yes_ , she decides, _yes, he is_ .

When she opens her eyes, she’s back on the _Enterprise_  and she’s looking out at the stars.  
_  
_ _When she turns to see who is next to her, she looks away quickly. It’s a dream, Rey thinks, it always is._

 

_Eventually the figure turns to look at her, too. And it says, “sunshine?”_

  
_  
_ Rey chokes on her breath. “I haven’t been that for a long time.”

  
_  
_ “You grew up.” It says, and she can hear the sadness in his voice. “We left you weeks ago, and you’re already grown up.”

  
_  
_ _“You left me years ago.” She touches the cool glass and longs to be out there, to float in space and find whatever she thought she could find in this dream-- in this Hell. “You_ abandoned me.”

 

 _“We left you to protect you.” It-- he says. Rey remembers the hot breeze, the Jakku sun, the long nights, and her fists clench. “We’re gone to protect you, Rey. There’s-- a man. There’s a man on this ship, and he was going to hurt you if we didn’t hide you.”_ _  
_

__  
I could take him _, she wants to say._ __  
__  
_But she couldn’t. She, instead, rests her head against his shoulder._  
  (It concerns her, how real he feels. How she can feel his shoulders jump as if he, too, doesn’t understand why he can touch her.)

  
__  
“Daddy,” she whispers, still transfixed on the stars, but maybe this is something more than . . “did you love me?”  
  
  
_“Sunshine,” he mumbles, presses a kiss into her hair and she can feel the tears falling down his face, “your father and I won’t ever stop loving you.”_  


_She supposes she deserves it, the longing in her chest at the mention of her father. Of course, she loves her fathers equally, she always did, but daddy’s here, and--_  
  
  
_“Where is he?”_  


_“Him and I . . losing you broke him, Rey.”_  


_“Did it break you?”_  


_“You’re my baby. Of course it did.”_

  
  
_The silence between them is comforting. They hold each other for along time--_  
_So it scares her, as it should, when she begins to feel herself fading._  
_  
_ _Daddy looks at her and he’s crying, but he reaches and strokes her cheek and he says, “you listen here, young lady. You are a_ Kirk, and we don’t give up-- you stay right where you are, and  bwhen we’re safe we’ll bring you home. You can even fly the Enterprise.”

  
__  
_“Daddy,” she sobs, “I’m not on Jakku anymore, there’s-- The First Order. You can’t come here. Promise me you_ won’t come here.”  
  
__  
Daddy stares at her. He’s terrified. He thinks she’s going to die. She does the only thing she can think of doing and undoes one of the buns in her hair. (Her father tied it up like that, when she didn’t like how it got in her face.) She slides the elastic band around his wrist and tries to remember how to breathe. “You need to let me find you now, dad. Please. I spent so long thinking you abandoned me, I can’t let you die when I just got you back.”  
  
  
_He smiles at her, but whatever he says is lost to the sound of running water. She screams, begs, she--_  
  
“Rey!”

  
  
She’s . .  
  
  When she feels her face, there are tears rolling down her cheeks. Finn says nothing. He only pulls her into his arms and presses kisses against her head. It should hurt, but she only burrows closer into him and inhales his scent. Finn doesn’t ask about it later, she makes a reminder to thank him when she gets the chance.  
  
  
 

There’s a _piano_ , an honest-to-God piano, on this planet.  
   Finn’s friend is here. His name is Poe. She looks at the way he looks at Finn and she knows they’re soulmates-- like her parents are.  
  
Her fingers dance along the keys and she plays a melody she can barely remember. Her father played piano for her once, and he showed her all his favorite music.  
  
  
 Poe sits next to her. He asks, “who taught you to play?”  
  
  
Rey doesn’t want to admit she cries when he asks, but the phantom ache in her chest hurts her so bad she can only lean against him and blow her nose into his jacket. Revenge, for the teasing he’s been subjecting Finn to. “A very great man.”  
  
  Poe sighs, his head against hers, and when she gets up she kisses his forehead and smiles, and she says, surprisingly hopeful, a bit like fate wants her to say this, “let’s make some noise.”

 

  1. _Don’t lose hope_.



  
  When Rey wanders the ghost of the _Millennium Falcon_ , she stares at the _Enterprise_ coat in her hands, the _McCoy_ stitched into the pocket, and she allows herself a moment to cry.  
     In one of the books her father let her read, it said that crying was the best way to help yourself calm down. She knows because her daddy cried a lot-- _she feels weird, calling them that instead of James and Leonard, it feels weird knowing there’s someone waiting for her--_ when he thought he was alone. He clutched his chest like he was having a heart attack and he cried for hours, he must’ve thought she was still asleep. When her father came in, he held him in his arms and together they swayed around their quarters. They looked as powerful as she thought they were, two very great men. With their normal, ordinary Rey.  
  
  There’s a bump against her knee, and it makes little whirring noises like he’s worried about her. Maybe he is. She’s worried, too. “It’s okay, Beebee.” Her hand runs along cool metal, it’s more of a comfort than usual. “It’s all okay. I just miss them.”  
  
 He beeps back at her, _why don’t you go home?_  
  
Rey sucks in a deep breath. “I don’t know if I belong there anymore.” She toys with his antenna and remembers when she first ran into him, not that long ago but long enough that bits and pieces of their encounter has been lost in favor of different memories. “They left a _child_ , Beebee. I’m not a child anymore.”  
  
  _We still love you_ , he beeps at her, rolls himself back and forth to keep bumping gently against her ankle.  
  
_And I love you_ , she thinks, but doesn’t say.

 

  1. _Hello_.



     
     In the darkness of the ship Rey needs to squint to see anything further than her hand-- in fact, she can’t even see her hand right now.

  
     But.  
She sees a man. A faint outline from the glow of the stars.  
  
  
“I felt your fear,” she calls out, doesn’t step closer but hugs the blankets to her chest, “it’s all I could feel.” He doesn’t turn back but he does _step_ back, his shoulders tall. He isn’t scared as much as he is exhausted. So is she. “I thought you were dead for a while.”  
  
  
“I hope you didn’t feel it.” Like her hand did once, his brushes against glass and he stares out the window-- she wonders if he wants to disappear inside of them too. “I’m supposed to protect you,” he cuts off and laughs, “and this is what I do.”  
  
  
Rey-- she isn’t a child anymore. Not an orphan, either. Not _just Rey_ . Rey, the _hero_ . Rey, the friend. Rey _Kirk_ .  
    Now, she just inhales. “I hated you for a very long time.” He looks away in shame. “I thought you sold me-- that’s what everyone always said. They said you sold me because you didn’t want me. Do you know what baths are?” But when he looks at her again, his smile is so fond she needs to look away. “I only started taking them recently, but they’re so _warm_ . And-- one of my friends, Poe, he brought me a gift from Earth. _Bath Bombs_ .”  
  
  
“Your father,” he says, the space between them isn’t as thick as it recently was, “he hates baths. I think we’re the only ones that appreciate them.”  
  
  
Rey doesn’t stand, but the man approaches her and presses a hand against her cheek. “You need sleep, sunshine.”  
 

“I don’t.” She argues. She’s _exhausted_. “I don’t want to leave again. I’m-- I’m tired. I just-”  
 

“Close your eyes,” he kisses her forehead as he tucks her into bed, “and when you open them your father and I will be right here. And we won’t leave again.”  
 

She blinks back tears. “How do I know you won’t leave again?”

  
He smiles at her, and his eyes, this _sharp_ blue, are warm when they land upon her. Her father fell in love with that, didn’t he-- a statement more than a question. She doesn’t think he ever knew how to be a father because he struggled, even as she was just a child running around the _Enterprise_ , but he still held her. Kissed her forehead when her father was brushing her hair out, _“Jimmy, it’s too thick, just-- get one of those elastics from Uhura. She ain’t goin’ out with ratty hair_.”

   ( She laughed and leaned further into him, inhaled the scent of sterile walls and a bit of daddy’s cologne and she thought she was invincible. )

  
“Do you trust me?” He asks her, his hand on her cheek feels very real.  
  
  
When she laughs there’s something deeper to it, a wetness, mourning. She’ll wake up and he’s gone again. “I’m learning how to do that again,” she mumbles, “but I think I do.”  


  She sleeps peacefully. The hand on her cheek doesn’t leave and, when she wakes up to vibrant blue eyes looking back at her still, Finn and Poe confused yet Beebee whirring with excitement, she cries.  
  
  
And _cries_.  
  
  
 He holds her until she calms down, and explains everything. She doesn’t understand but his voice is comforting and he’s really _there_ , so she listens. He whispers, “Scotty beamed us down-- you remember Scotty, don’t you? Big scary guy. You used to _hate_ him.”  
 

  _Scotty,_ she mouths against his jacket. She hasn’t heard that name in a while. But--  
“We?” She leans back. “I thought it was just you.”  
 

When Rey was a child, around six, daddy had pulled her very close around the first time she used parental names for them, and he kissed her forehead. “Bones, he needs love, sunshine.” At that time, her hair was still down, and he used to _love_ twirling it when she sat on his lap to pretend she was the captain of this big ship. “He lost the people he loves just like your parents lost you-- just like I did. So we gotta stick together, okay?” Then he wrapped his jacket around her and made faces until she smiled again. “Sometimes, kid, I think God brought you to us.”  
     It was never a preference, then, she never chose between the two of them because she loved them both with all of her heart. But her father needed more than daddy did, needed something to keep him grounded when he thought he was gonna float away, is how Uhura explained it to her.  
  
  
 She floats away when she sees him staring her down, sweating, forehead slightly bloody. 

   Poe looks guilty where he stands. His blaster has a bit of red around the handle.  
  
  
“Grew up, didn’t you?” His accent-- she remembers this, how thick it gets when he’s feeling too much. “‘Coulda sworn it was just yesterday I was brushing your hair."  
 

She touches her cheek and feels tears. “I kept my hair the same.” Rey says, suddenly, _needs_ him to know even though she hated them she always wanted to come home. “I thought-- if I kept everything the same, then you’d recognize me when you came back.”  
  
  
In the back of her mind, he’s _Leonard_ now. Leonard McCoy, CMO of the USS _Enterprise_ . Holding onto something childish should _hurt_ , shouldn’t it? It’s confusing as to why it’s so comforting to her. “You think I can’t recognize my own _daughter_ ?” He’s crying too. So is daddy-- the only person who isn’t crying is Poe. Even _Finn_ is shedding a few tears. “You listen to me, Rey Kirk, you are _just_ as stubborn as your daddy is.” He has rough hands, but against her cheeks they feel warm and safe. “I will _always_ find you.”  
  
  
   _Hello_ , he kisses her forehead, daddy holds her hand, and she cries because she feels complete. For the first time.  
  


     5. 

  
 Rey is not familiar with making relationships, as is obvious when she first meets Jaylah.  
  
  
She is scared, now the hero from Jakku. _Rey Kirk_ , they call her, and it feels like praise rather than an insult, nothing like the _Scavenger_. _Rey Kirk_ , they cheer when she steps into Starfleet headquarters, and her father is there to kiss her head like he always does and mumble, just under his breath, _that’s my girl_.  
  
  
She is pulled, then, along with her dad. He pulls excitedly, _“this will all be yours someday, sunshine_ ,” and it is here that she meets Jaylah.  
  
  
  Her brain malfunctions.  
  
  
She reaches out slowly, her hand cupping Rey’s, and when her fathers are off doing something else she kisses her dirty knuckles and says, “very nice to meet you.”

 

 Translation:

      _Welcome home._


End file.
